Three weeks ago I interviewed for a Youth Outreach Specialist position with our LGBT community center (Wingspan) and their Eon Youth Center.
A week ago I interviewed for a second time with their Executive Director, a former participant in the Wingspan youth programs when he was coming out while going to the University of Arizona.
Last Friday I was offered and accepted the Youth Outreach Specialist position!
Tomorrow morning I start at 8am going through a variety of new-hire paperwork, some orientation, and an all-agency staff meeting where I'll get to reacquaint myself with a lot of folks that I've worked alongside of for years and many new faces that I'm sure will become familiar in no time. Then, later in the afternoon I head across the street to the great little youth center space and start to introduce myself to the kids.
A friend caught me online this past weekend and asked "Where was my hottie bear advocate when I was a confused kid coming out?" and it really resonated with me.
I've worked with LGBT youth throughout my career and am proud to say that as one of the first two staff to be out at my former agency that I was instrumental in helping to sculpt the policies and practices that ensured that every youth or family that came through out door was treated with the exact same level of compassion, understanding, respect, and advocacy. I've never done direct service to solely LGBT youth/young adults though and this milieu is not solely at-risk, runaway, homeless, and street youth but a whole range from youth just starting to explore questioning and coming out, to those who are out and accepted by their families, and sadly those that haven't been embraced by those they love, and sadder still the ones who have been thrown out of their homes.
While I know I can say with absolute certainty that I'm able to work with anyone, anywhere, at anytime, I am expecting some challenges. The younger queer culture is quite different than my own narrow experience amongst the adult LGBT population and especially amongst the Bears of Tucson. It'll be fascinating to see how the various social strata within the youth center interact with one another. I suspect that their Venn overlap is rather large in that when I've done outreach to the Eon center (for Our Family) I found that the kids possessed a sense of ownership and family there. There is a unity and a vitality that is contagious and invigorating to be around that springs from young people thriving within a safe, accepting, nurturing environment.
I know that 20+ years ago, as I was struggling with my own identity I would have given anything to know that I wasn't alone, wasn't a freak, and wasn't unloveable. Now I'm a married man who will celebrate his 14th anniversary this summer, who figured out where to find joy in his life, and was blessed with so much happiness and success. I'm not perfect, but I'm comfortable and capable and I hope that I can lend my experience, skills, and admiration to the lives of these beautiful and resilient youth.
More to follow..
- Location:Home on The Beast
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:M83 - We Own The Sky
So here I am a couple of days after my 40th birthday. About a month ago I decided that I wanted to grow back in my full beard just to see what it looked like. You see for the past year and a half I've been sporting this sort of breakwater-meets-mutton chops facial topiary. In that time it would appear that my two 'badger stripes' joined forces and invaded my chin, seeking to drive out the black, brown, red, and blonde menace therein.
I'm not at all distressed by this, it was kind of an exciting (if slo-mo) reveal, and I can finally have some cute young thang call me 'daddy' without wanting to immediately break into not-so-manly giggles.
Oh, and I did this too:
(You better have too or I will come and find you and shave a semblance of my beard on the hairiest part of your body!)
But I voted two weeks ago and promptly put my "I Voted Early in Pima County" sticker on my car, right above my Obama-Biden bumpersticker and this morning, it just wouldnt' come off so I left it be.
I think tonight Steve and I will invites some of our bearish brethern to the house to watch election results, eat good pizza, drink great beer, and play video games. Then, depending on our moods and the incoming results we may head down to the Marriot downtown and take in the Tucson/Pima Democratic Party Celebration.
I really hope there's dancing in the streets down there tonight.
I really hope that we defeat Prop 102 (our back-from-the-undead same-sex marriage constitutional prohibition proposition) here in Arizona and I really hope that California defeats their Prop. 8. Steve and I knew we were taking a risk that come tomorrow our marriage license may be null-and-void but for the sake of all of us we need to see that hatred defeated.
And for the sake of this country we really need to see Barack and Michelle's daughters playing in the Rose Garden this spring.
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:Happy Mondays - Step On
So, this is what it feels like to be a 40 year old, queer, married, homeowner.
Kinda feels a lot like being a 25 year old, queer, single, renter.
Only with twice as much power to devalue heterosexual marriages with a mere flick of my ring finger.
*shrugs*
Well, I'm off to destroy America. See you kids at the polls!
- Mood:
Durned Silly - Music:Calexico - El Gatillo (Trigger Revisited)
This past Saturday we sat down for some tasty homestyle, southern Italian cooking, a couple of bottles of chianti, much laughter, and nuptial conspiracy with our good buddies Jim and Craig.
You see Jim and Craig, like Steve and myself had planned on going to California this fall to affirm our respective marital pledges. When we announced our engagement to them earlier this summer they told us of their own plans to have a small ceremony on the cliffs at the Torrey Pines State Reserve. We had planned to just use the Justice of the Peace or County Recorder/Registrar services, figuring that a more public celebration would take place at home.
It was then that we had one of those 'Roadtrip!' moments that overstimulated, goofy Americans are prone to from time to time.
"We should caravan out there!"
"We're having a friend who is an ordained minister officiate ours!"
"We could be your witnesses!
"We could be yours!"
"We could do a ceremony together!"
*Blink - Blink*
So in short order we began talking time lines, location, hair, costumes, makeup, reception nibbles, all the important details that a couple of burly, southwestern bears never thought they'd have the opportunity plan out.
It still doesn't feel quite real. Truthfully though, I'm beginning to get giddy about it.
I think it began to sink in as we were shopping for our wedding clothes (?!) this weekend. It should come as no surprise that neither Steve or I are suit/tux guys.
"Ya know, we could just go full-on lumberjack and just get matching red flannel, leather braces, and our best jeans and boots", I offered, holding up a classic Carhartt work shirt.
"Yeah but we're neither butch nor lesbian enough to pull that off", countered Steve.
"Good point. So, something suitably southwestern and 'us' then?", I asked, pulling a black linen guayabera from the rack.
"I think that sounds perfect."
So here we are.. just a few days away from the event. We leave Thursday afternoon for San Diego where we'll get the license on Friday. At 11:00a.m. Saturday, September 20th we'll head to the cliffs above the Pacific with Jim & Craig's friends and family and a few of our own and exchange vows, rings, and kisses.
- Mood:
excited & loved - Music:Hendrik Meurkens - Vamos Nessa
Two years ago it was Bob,Then at the end of Summer we lost Don,
Around Thanksgiving we lost Dan, Doug, and then Tex.
In the last two days we lose both Jim and James.
We're entering that time in our lives when our peers are beginning to succumb to heritage-based illnesses, chance infections, and just tragic fortune.
The farther we cast our line into the ether the broader the experience and the brighter the lives we have a chance of touching.
There's also the increased chance that we'll lose some of them far too soon.
Every node a jeweled soul, every connection between them a silvery thread.
Lose a jewel, cut a thread and the whole feels the loss.
James was a node for so many of us.
He's why I have a LiveJournal, having invited me to join back when it was still just getting started.
Nearly 7 years later I have James to thank for the incredible constellation that fills my life's sky.
I will always remember the way he hugged, the way his laugh would resonate in your chest when he held you close. His expression of joy and bliss was so sincere, so pure.
I remember the tenderness in his touch and the mischievousness he had in intimate moments.
I remember seeing him on Market Street that first time I was in San Francisco for Pride back in 1998 and being too shy to talk to this beautiful man in bib overalls with the infectious smile and bright eyes.
I remember the numerous evenings that Steve, James, and I would spend cuddling when he'd visit.
I'll always remember being so glad to have had him in my life.
Ten years is far too short.
Ten years is such a huge blessing.
Thank you James.
- Mood:
sad
This is what our house and neighborhood looked like when I reached home this evening. The orange cast to the photos is due to the sodium lighting that the City of Tucson uses reflecting back from the low-hanging cloud cover.
It was striking and amazingly quiet on our street until the kids and adults alike realized that the snow had stopped falling and started coming out in droves to marvel, whooping and hollering at the rare beauty of this night. About 50 yards up the way from us is an elementary school and I could hear that groups of neighbors were making their way there for what must have been the first snowball fight in this area in decades.
Steve and the pups, meanwhile, were inside casting disparaging looks out the front door. My babies don't do the snow-thing.
Has it really been so long?
Not a day without you,
your presence summoned by so much;
Books on stars, a favorite sweet, an earnest smile, or loving face,
all charged touchstones.
Pushpins marking the start of worn traces,
along the map in my mind.
Guiding me, can I find again
where you lay sleeping?
There you are,
smiling as ever.
The surge of warmth in my chest,
and then the fall into pain.
Childlike explorer, my eyes are so often yours now,
such marvel and aching beauty surrounds.
Reaching out for stars in a beckoning sea,
your path ended.
Strolling into territories unknown,
you always did tend to wander.
And yet,
our travels continue.
I still hear the three words,
that confirm the bond.
Please, hold my hand, fill my ears with your laughter,
stay near.
(c) 2006 Kevin G. Jackson
- Mood: Missing Bob
LoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLove
Me & my friend were walking
In the cold light of mourning.
Tears may blind the eyes but the soul is not deceived
In this world even winter ain't what it seems.
Here come the blue skies Here comes springtime.
When the rivers run high & the tears run dry.
When everything that dies.
Shall rise.
LoveLoveLove is stronger than death.
LoveLoveLove is stronger than death.
In our lives we hunger for those we cannot touch.
All the thoughts unuttered & all the feelings unexpressed
Play upon our hearts like the mist upon our breath.
But, awoken by grief, our spirits speak
"How could you believe that the life within the seed
that grew arms that reached
And a heart that beat.
And lips that smiled
And eyes that cried.
Could ever die?"
Here come the blue skies Here comes springtime.
When the rivers run high & the tears run dry.
When everything that dies.
Shall rise.
LoveLoveLove is stronger than death.
LoveLoveLove is stronger than death.
Shall rise. Shall rise.
Shall rise. Shall rise.
- Matt Johnson (c) 1993
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This song came on WinAmp tonight as I was going through the hundreds of photos of Joe, Steve, Bob, and I that are stored on our home system. And the moment I'd been both fearing and hoping for hit me squarely between the eyes.
All the longing, sorrow, anger, regret, thankfulness, love, and loss that had been knotted up inside me came pouring out and I had a long cathartic bawl.
It's just not fair that something so beautiful would be taken from this world. There is no sense to make of it, it was a simple accident that took a wonderful complex and loving man from us all.
But I truly believe the sentiments in this song. Love is stronger than death and I have no doubt that Joe and Bob will be reunited in the hereafter. Meanwhile we have to get on with the job of living.
But tonight was a good night for words that touch the heart and wet the eyes.
I love you and miss you Bob. Don't worry we'll take care of Joe, sweet one.
- Mood:exhausted
- Music:The The - Love Is Stronger Than Death
Steve and I are both back in Tucson as of yesterday. Steve got in around 7am and I got in around 9pm.Clint and Dave from Salt Lake left lastnight as did Kyle, Todd, John Clark from Tucson, and Robert and Jimmie from Bakersfield.
My heart just aches for Joe right now. I pray for his comfort and peace constantly throughout the day and whenever a little wave of grief passes over me.
Right now I'm just scared to go into work, I'm feeling very vulnerable and find myself just wanting to nap on the sofa with Steve who just got in from his first overnight compressed-workweek shift in two years.
But I need to keep moving forward. Joe doesn't get the luxury of calling out today, he's out of ETO and bereavement time and in addition to going back to work he's got class and the big list of things to start going through to get his life in order.
So right now my home isn't this little house in Tucson and a part of my home is gone forever.
I told Joe lastnight that I was starting to get angry. Not at Bob, you just couldn't really be angry with that man, but at just the unfairness of it all. I wanted to be grey and wrinkled and crotchety sitting on a porch drinking beers with Bob and Joe some 30-40 years from now watching the sun set over the desert. I wanted to travel the world together and have more adventures and share more love and laughter.
I'm committed to still accomplishing those dreams but sadly, without Bob. His adventures, many as they were, ended in a tidepool in La Jolla a week ago.
It's now our responsibility to travel onward without it him. He would have been so embarrassed to think that his life brought anyone sadness and so I am not sad for Bob, just in the potential lost.
But nothing can take away all the amazing love, laughter, and pure joy that we shared. I wanted 40-50 years with Bob in Joe's life. We got 5 and there's not a second of that we would trade for anything and neither would Joe. I'm so blessed to have known him.
One thing that I take away from Bob's life is that he was not carefree. He just cared about those things that were truly important in life and that centered around Joe, his family, and his friends. I find a lot of comfort in that.
Still, God it hurts but what a gift to have such a beautiful, wonderful, kind and gentle man in your life.
God be with Joe through all of this.
- Mood: sympathetic
 | VoicePost  904K 4:51 | “Well its midday on Sunday and I'm getting ready to head home. Steve left last night around midnight. Got into Tuscon around, oh I guess must have been around 7:00 in the morning, and got there safely. He traveled without me, which given everything that's happened, of course made me very nervous, but he was sweet enough to call me every couple of hours to let me know how he was doing along the way. Transcribed by: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} vmbear |
- Mood: sad
I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you who have called, emailed, or chatted with Joe, Steve, and myself over the past few days. Your kind thoughts and words are very comforting.Joe is keeping busy working with Bob's family to arrange for the memorial and funeral services and I wanted to pass along this information to those of you who may be interested. There will be a viewing at the Emmerson-Bartlett Memorial Chapel on Friday, February 3, from 5 to 9 pm.
The following is a map to the Emmerson-Bartlett Memorial Chapel:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f
Then on Saturday, February 4, from 9:30-11am there will be a memorial service at the Campus of Redlands University.
The following is a map to Redlands University:
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl
The following is an interactive map of the University of Redlands
Campus. The Memorial Chapel can be found under the 'Building'
link on the left of the screen:
http://redlandsapps.redlands
There will be a small reception on the quad in front of the chapel following the memorial service and as with the viewing all are welcome.
At this time we're uncertain as to whether Bob had adequate insurance to cover the funeral and associated expenses. On Joe's behalf we ask that if you were considering sending flowers that instead a small donation to defray the costs be sent to:
Joe Fleming & Bob Sporrong
1321 E. Palm Avenue
Redlands, CA 92374
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at: sonoranbear@gmail.com
Again, thank you all for your kindness and compassion.
- Mood: calm
| VoicePost 1086K 5:43 | “Read my comment in this post to read the transcription - the text is too long for the transcription tool... Transcribed by: bigredpaul |
Half an hour ago I got a call from Joe.
He was driving down the highway from Redlands towards La Jolla.
He was in tears.
Bob Sporrong, his partner of the past five years slipped on some rocks at the beach this afternoon, hit his head, and died.
Joe only just found out five minutes before calling me.
Bob had been in San Diego with his father who has Parkinson's and was consulting with specialists at the Scripps hospital.
While waiting for his father's consult and tests to be done he went to the beach with a visiting friend from his missionary days in New Caledonia.
Oh God.. this is so unfair.
Joe is driving there tonight to try and to see Bob's body.
He was just 41 years old and a kinder, gentler, more loving man I have never known.
I'm numb.
Steve and I are leaving in the morning. I'd leave tonight but all the flights out of Tucson are gone and I don't think my car could make it.
Oh God be with Joe he needs you so much right now.
I'll cry later, I'll rage later.. right now I need to pack and steel myself.
God be with all of us.
- Mood:
indescribable
lostncove) and remembering that even though a minority may be more vocal they're still a minority. I think we are in the majority but we need to find the courage to speak out and help others see that they are not alone.Meanwhile consider this, I challenge Pat Robertson or anyone parading in the cloak of being a believer and follower of Christ to justify their actions or inactions when placed against Christ's teachings.
I'm no saint (as you well know) but there's not a day that goes by that I don't stop and think about my relation to God and my choices. I don't think Pat is truly a Follower of Christ at all but a power-sick old fuck who has developed influence and thinks he's above it all because he can slap a seal of faith upon his actions.
Early on he may have felt something in that knotted, rancid, turd he calls a heart but I doubt it was truly the call of Salvation. Fear, perhaps of a fiery damnation, could be his motivating factor and based upon his politics and overt hatred I'd say that's a reasonable guess as to what he took from the preaching and teaching he received.
Guess what Patty, that's not God you felt and when we all stand before Him it wouldn't surprise me at all if you are turned away. The challenge for me and others is to make sure that in his time on Earth we lessen the pain that he causes to others 'in Christ's name'.
- Mood:
angry - Music:Kid606 - Spanish Song
there wouldn't be
a question.
Within them,
so many see
themselves.
Is the end
as dark as her pupils,
as empty as her gaze?
A reflection,
that causes
pause.
- Copyright 2005 - Kevin Garrett Jackson
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Juno Reactor - God is God (Front 242 God Zilla Mix)
I want my country back!
(Warning - sizeable Flash animation with disturbing content.)
If you would like to read along you'll need to be someone I know, respect, and trust enough to share details of my life.
Sadly, there are those out there that find my level of candor and frankness to be distressing and it's because of those individuals that I have chosen to be more restrictive with my journal.
I wish you peace, happiness, prosperity, and a long life.
-Kevin
- Mood: calm
Reviewing it now, it seems a bit precognizant but still feels honest to my rage regarding hatred and ignorance.
-------------------------
"The Truth"
as we know it, is neither absolute
nor certain.
That which we hold
so closely to heart and soul,
is merely the hope that we
have somehow made sense of it all.
Our values, passions, desires
loves and humanity,
reduced by our panicked mammalian minds
into a perception of normalcy,
with no more substance than a passing thought,
or a mist before the night.
Yet we will gladly defame, vilify, and kill those
possessed by these phantoms we see as The Other.
We see visions of ourselves as crusaders,
certain that our god demands burnt offerings.
An infidel's library, temple, home, or beloved family,
all appropriate on the altar of Cain.
All the while we scurry around on the face of this planet,
trying not to look skyward too often,
lest our perspective be revealed
and our relation to the universe falls to heart.
Frightened, blind children,
thrashing about in the dark;
the only truth we hold,
is the knowledge that we know nothing.
Copyright 2001 - Kevin Garrett Jackson
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Cortex Bomb - Loathesome Cowboy
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